Last week’s Budget had most of us talking about money. But while it might feel easy to have high-level debates on tax and government spending, personal money conversations can be much tougher.
A new survey by Hargreaves Lansdown reveals that one in four (26 per cent) Brits wouldn’t talk to anyone if they had money worries. This rises to 30 per cent among men and 36 per cent among those aged 55 and over.
Just 13 per cent would speak to a debt charity like Stepchange or Citizen’s Advice, while 12 per cent would speak to their parents, nine per cent to friends and six per cent to a sibling. Meanwhile, one in ten would use social media to talk about their money concerns.
“When you’re going through a difficult time financially, it can be difficult to open up about it, says Sarah Coles, head of personal finance at Hargreaves Lansdown. “You might be embarrassed about the issues you’re facing, or not want to worry anyone. However, burying your head in the sand will only make things worse.”
It might feel daunting, but getting grips with your finances starts with having a conversation. Sarah says: “It doesn’t have to begin with your family if you can’t face it. If it’s not a shortage of money, but a problem with how you’ve set things up, or how you’ve prioritised, then you might benefit from talking to a financial adviser. If you have a spending or debt issue, you might want to approach a debt charity.
“If you choose the relative anonymity of social media, be very careful not to assume your online contacts know enough to give you good advice. It may be where you want to share your experiences, but it’s not somewhere you can guarantee to get qualified or informed opinion.”
To mark Talk Money Week, which encourages people to open up about their finances, here are five tips for starting tricky conversations:
1. Pick your moment
Is this the kind of general chat you can drop in conversation, or do you need to set aside a specific quiet time to address it properly? You can’t rush some of these sensitive conversations, so find a time that works for you both.
2. Think about what you want to say before you start
Whether you’re concerned about someone else or you’re talking about a problem you have, consider how to introduce the subject thoughtfully, and think about how they might feel and respond. Don’t let this be an excuse for putting it off, but it can help to have plotted a way through the more difficult aspects of the conversation.
3. Be honest
This is not the time to fudge the truth, or hold things back. If it all emerges over time, they’ll feel you weren’t being honest, and it makes it much harder to help if they only have half the truth. It’s not going to be pleasant, but rip that band-aid off.
4. Don’t get dragged into blame and recriminations
If you suspect someone has a problem and they admit to it, try not to head down a cul-de-sac of blame. You have every right to be upset, but try not to let it derail your efforts to find a solution together. If you’re coming clean about a financial problem, and the person you’re telling is upset, then it makes sense to recognise this, and take responsibility for anything you’ve done. However, there’s nothing to be gained from a shouting match, so as soon as you can, try to steer them towards the next part of the process – where you try to find a solution.
5. Focus on the solution
The purpose of the conversation should be to start putting things right. It makes sense to do some research first, so you know where you stand. This means knowing what you have, and where, and being on top of your debts. Otherwise, you may not be able to have a particularly constructive conversation.
Don’t assume this will show you exactly what to do. You both need the space to share your perspective, and you may be able to come up with a better solution together.
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